When you lose someone special in your life, people act like they can relate to you. They say things that think you’d want to hear. They tell you that your loved one wouldn’t you to feel like that or how things will get better. They tell you how you “should” feel or how you “should” react.
People can sit there as much as they want and tell you these things and maybe they mean good, but it doesn’t help. These people will not understand the horrible pain that you feel until they themselves have been in your shoes and have lost their father, mother, etc.
Sure maybe these people in your life mean well, but sometimes you just want to tell them to shut up. When things like this happen in your life, this is when you ultimately realize who the true people are in your life. You realize who your true friends are. Which one of your friends would drop everything to be by your side at 3am when you’re crying? Which friend will pick you up off the floor after a night of drinking because you had to escape the horrible thoughts in your head and the pain in your heart?
In 2006 I lost my mom and it was the most horrible experience in my life. To sit there helpless, waiting what seemed like an eternity for the paramedics to arrive. Watching my mother die before my eyes and praying to God to not take her – that it just wasn’t her time. The tears streaming down my eyes as the paramedics tried to resuscitate her in front of my eyes, then finally rushing her to the hospital. Only to get to the hospital and be taken to that room and hearing your worst nightmare come true.
What has prompted me to write all this? A good friend of mine recently experienced a loss of someone in her life. I would post her link, but I don’t know if she would want me to broadcast her situation to the world. It just has made me think so much lately of how people try to treat you after you lose a loved one.
My words of advice…. If you don’t know how to deal with the situation at hand and you are a friend of someone who has lost a loved one, please don’t sit there and say that you “understand.” You will never “understand” until you’ve walked in that persons shoes or lost a very close loved one. You just need to be there to support them and listen to them. Don’t judge. Just be there.
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Oh my you just brought tears to my eyes I love you Kendra more than you’ll ever know. I’m so glad to have you in my life. Thank you so much for posting that, and you have my permission to link back to me if you ever feel the need to I am ok with you writing about me
Comment by Raydrealle — November 9, 2009 @ 6:32 PM
Kendra I nearly cried when I was told what happened to your mom. I was so choked up I couldn’t talk. I know what it’s like to lose someone or someone not being there for you when you need them the most, and they just push you away like my mother did me. You know what happened. You know the stories. You were there for me when I needed you and I couldn’t be there for you when you needed a friend. But I’m here now. If you ever need to vent or cry just call me or text me. I don’t mind.
Comment by Jamie — November 9, 2009 @ 7:57 PM
The way I see it, no one ever really understands someone elses pain. At the end of the day, every situation is different. The love between loved ones can never be duplicated so the loss of a loved ones pain cannot be duplicated either.
Comment by Mrs Black Banana — November 9, 2009 @ 9:29 PM